Tuesday, 20 of February of 2018

Tag » Microwave

Lone Wolf Circles – You Might Be An Alien

(with a tip of the hat to Jeff Foxworthy)

You might be an alien… if after attending the family reunion you wonder how the hell you could be related to “those people”. Or if sometimes you’re staring in the mirror and it seems there’s some kind of stranger looking back!

Hell, you could be alien if flying through the air in those hollow metal tubes they call airliners seems natural to you. If you live in structures you didn’t build, drive in vehicles you don’t comprehend, and obey rules made by people you’ve never met. If you spend more time in those vehicles than you do walking. If you feel safer in freeway traffic than you do in the wilderness. I’ll tell you, if the words “mobile” home make any sense to you–you’re getting more alien all the time.

You’re in the process of becoming extraterrestrial if it seems reasonable to watch people doing interesting things on TV instead of doing them yourself. Or if you find tupperware and artificial food coloring acceptable. If you’re uncomfortable being alone. If being somewhere quiet enough to hear your own heart beat makes you afraid that something’s wrong. If you see viruses as “enemies,” illness as a humiliation, and death as a defeat.

If you prefer the smell of perfume or cologne to the smell of your own clean body. If you’re okay with plastics but disgusted by blood. Or if when it starts to rain you run indoors to stay dry instead of rushing outdoors to play–you could be an alien.

There’s a chance you’re alien if evolution seems like an unnecessarily random process that humans dang sure ought to be able to improve on. If increasing the intelligence of our children through genetic engineering seems like a reasonable idea. If this country’s “nuclear deterrent” makes you feel any safer at night. Or if you feel okay about radiating your food in a microwave oven.

You could be an alien if how you feel matters less than how others feel about you. If the idea of surgically altering your body to make it look better seems like a sensible strategy. If you’re able to sleep through the sound of distant sirens, dogs barking on the next block over, and the repeated clicking on and off of the electric fridge. If the wind agitates instead of invigorates you. If you’re able to tolerate the feel of synthetic clothes on your back.

You’re pretty much out there if you managed to ignore or somehow failed to notice the dozens of planes that pass overhead each and every hour. If you’re unaware of which way is south, which plant and animal species are indigenous to your area, of which native peoples lived there before you. And you might be an alien if you tend to look to a power outside of–and separate from–your sacred self and this sacred Earth–for direction in your life….

Jesse Wolf Hardin
June-July 2000 Earth First!

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