Warrior Poets

Dirty Diapers by Mathew Haun

You all recall when the great war ended
And the baby boom came to town
If there was any trouble, just leave it to Beaver
Beaver wouldn’t let you down

There was one baby born that really goes “boom”
And it hasn’t reached retirement yet
The nuclear power industry
The best and the brightest, you bet

But, now, unlike your average baby
This kid has some nasty shit
Can’t just boil it or flush it down the toilet
It’s gonna take a real special pit

Mama! Change my dirty diapers!
So you want safe energy?
Tell that to the N.R.C.
Where they license reactors like third-hand tractors
And only the mistakes come free

We can’t just leave this stuff where it is
And it’s no fun to put it somewhere already trashed
We need to find a blank spot on the map

Of course, we’ll set aside a glacier here and there
‘Cause you hippies all need a place to play
But don’t fuck with the power moguls, chumps
Cause we’re accustomed to getting our way

Mama! Change my dirty diapers!
So this is the home of the brave?
Then can we take a little wilderness saved?
God no; there’s bugs and bears and cooties out there
Much safer to have it all paved

The Dept. of Energy is pleased at this chance
To clear up some common misconceptions
And we’ll lay it on the line, ’cause everything is fine
Contrary to any misinformed deceptions

These are not nuclear bombs we’re blowing up beneath the Earth
They are “nuclear events”; and that’s a whole other story
And this is not just a filthy nuke dump we’re putting here
This is a high-level nuclear waste repository

Mama! Change my dirty diapers!
So this is the home of the brave?
More like the home of the depraved
We keep promising ourselves a better life
And keep digging that nuclear grave

So this is the land of the free?
Tell that to the D.O.E
When we’re forced to pay for their shitty ideas
That’s right, junior, you and me

So you want mama to change your diapers
Sorry kid, it just won’t pass
Your mother’s taken too much shit already
You’ll have to learn how to wipe your own ass